One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important. – Bertrand Russell

I saw this when I ventured out to check my email. I am currently frantically writing paper that is due tomorrow morning. Either Bertrand doesn’t know what he is talking about, or I am closer to the edge than I thought.

One of the many experiences that I have had that keeps me in University is the summer job I had moving furniture. While it payed better than any other job I have ever had (around 13 dollars an hour), the pay was one of the few good things about it. The people I worked with were not the easiest to get along with, bordering on abusive. As for the actual work, I didn’t mind it so much, until we dropped that oak dresser on my knee.

All of this isn’t really the point though. I helped a friend move from Burnaby to Harrison this weekend, and remembered many of the things that I have noticed about how people moving tend to act. This is not to say, however, that my friend acted this way. Actually, it went better than any move I have seen (infinitely better than my own, which were generally stressful, arduous affairs that stretched on for far longer than they should have).

In moving myself and watching others these are things that have happened:

1. We will always find things that were missed during packing. This has created interesting situations like moving freezers full of meat down narrow stairs. Lets not forget the time we packed the cat (which had fallen asleep inside a box) somewhere in the middle of the van and had to tear everything out to get at it. The cat was pretty pissed.
2. Sometimes not all members of the family are as happy with moving as the others. This has created interesting situations like handcuffing oneself to the mailbox, and others with much crying, screaming, and uncomfortableness. I even got threatened by a very large teenager that I was NOT going to take things out of his bedroom or else. With things ending as they did, the pay did not look so good that day.

3. People have way too many Christmas decorations that they don’t use. Especially those glass balls.

4. It is amazing what you can find behind furniture. Sometimes this can be articles that are embarrassing (ie. condoms) or exciting (ie. diamond earrings).

5. I only stumbled upon drugs once while moving furniture, in the form of a live pot plant.

6. Apparently, sweaty movers in their early twenties are not attractive to same-aged females who are moving. Not that I would know.

7. When you are unpacking, you will want one specific item, and have to go through all of the boxes at least twice in order to find it….. in your pocket.

8. People rarely reply with a : “thanks for finding that for me” when you stumble upon illicit drugs, sexual self help books, or pornography stashed under mattresses, under dressers, or behind the chest freezer in the garage.

9. People are not generally at their best when moving. Though they might apologize later, being yelled at or told where to go isn’t all that unexpected. The only reason this didn’t bother me is that I had moved myself recently, and felt their pain.

10. Once I moved a family out into Chilliwack. The two kids directed us beautifully on where to unload the stuff, put the furniture, and even got mad at me for tracking stuff onto the carpet (bad Mike!!). The parents were nowhere around (at work) and the Uncle next door, where the kids were staying, was either high or drunk out of his tree. I think he might have been both. While this was the best instruction I ever got on where to unload boxes and furniture, I am not used to being ordered around by children who are 8 and 13 years of age.

11. Lets just say that if you have allergies to cats, the place you least enjoyed moving was the crazy old lady who had TWENTY of the damn things. It wasn’t the cats, it was the inch of dander and cat cells that was covering everything. AAACHOO!
Two words: cat piss.

12. Apparently I was overlooked when the tips were being handed out, as I only found out at near the end of the summer that this was a common practice, and that I had in fact, missed out on a few. Aholes.

13. My boss got really mad at me for telling the customer that her television cabinet had been broken when a box spring had fallen off of the truck onto it. Apparently, I can go to hell.

14. Also, people blame the messenger.

15. You never have enough boxes.

16. You always are amazed at exactly how much you own.

17. You are also amazed at how much of this stuff is crap, but you will probably still have it next time you move.

18. Working with a sore back is the best way to get a behind the scenes cash bonus from elderly rich people (which made up for the tips I had missed before).

19. Sometimes the family will leave before the movers have completely moved all of the boxes and furniture out of the place. This is when the neighbours converge to tell you all the nasty stories they have about them, and how they don’t light a barbecue the right way.

There are many other experiences that I have had. I will probably remember the best ones immediately after I go to bed.

I moved three times during one summer. This was the same summer that I moved furniture for money. I haven’t moved since, even though this place kind of sucks. I know that I have too much stuff, much of it crap, and I swore that I wouldn’t move all of it next time. I can’t be just another No. 17 can I?

Lets take the following quotation, shamelessly pilfered from a friend’s web page :

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly
themselves, and not to twist them with our own image –
otherwise, we love only the reflection of ourselves we find
in them.” – Anon.

The first thing that this brought to mind was not something in the spirit with which this statement was intended. Remember Liberace? The piano playing gay man who had about 20 rings on this fingeres, and jewels and other gaudy/tacky crap all over his piano.This guy was so whacked that he acutally paid for his lovers face to be surgically altered to look more like this own. Think about that. Now read the above statement again. Takes on different dimensions doesn’t it?

My apologies. It is late and I have eaten too many pickles.

I am not renowned as a wonderful cook. My reputation however, is not gained by any sort of actual experiences from those reporting it. My culinary indiscretions have never been witnessed by others. Always, the undertaking of a new recipe has been done in private, there being no witnesses present. This has not always been the case, however, and the luck of having never screwed up with an audience is just that. Luck. Unfortunately, I always find it necessary to share scenarios that have occurred where things just completely got all screwed up.

So I do it again. This time, with probably the most innocuous example in my history. Lets not forget the time I inadvertently set the oven mitts on fire.

This time, the objective was spaghetti sauce. Not really all that difficult I would say, just get the herbs and spice stuff in it balanced right. Not wanting to throw caution to the wind, I decided to follow an actual recipe. Recipes are not usually where I want to go with cooking, as I tend to just throw things together that seem like a good idea and make my own messes. This time, I really wanted spaghetti sauce, so the recipes were withdrawn from the self, dusted off, and read through.

Now, I don’t’ mind screwing up when I cook. I shouldn’t say I don’t mind, but I can’t really blame anybody or be really surprised when I do it myself. This time, I followed the recipe!!!! Things still got all screwed up. I did not burn anything, everything went fine. The T-A-S-T-E was the real problem. The real problem was the onion soup mix that the damn thing suggested. All I could taste was this strong onion flavour in my spaghetti sauce. I actually had to pick the stuff off of my pasta in order to eat it (the pasta). So now I have a pot of this stuff (about 9 dollars in ingredients therein). What do I do with it?

My ultimate solution was to add water. Lots of it, in order to cancel out the high concentrations of onion soup mix. Worked pretty well. So now I have five containers of soup in my freezer, but I still have to eat the tortellini naked. That means without sauce (not what you were thinking).

Tomorrow I make more spaghetti sauce. This time with no recipe. Cross your fingers.

Said about a graduation ball:- “If all the girls in this room were laid end to end, it really wouldn’t surprise me” – Dorothy Parker

I heard that a considerably large cash reward has been posted in response to the vicious and brutal attack on OJ that occurred while he was in a golf course parking lot. The attacker will be receiving the reward money as soon as they can be found.

On a far more serious note, lets talk about something that I dont understand (we will add it to the long list).

– Why is it that when a woman does something that a man doesn’t understand, he thinks that she is mysterious, fascinating, and interesting. However, when a man does something a woman doesnt understand, all men are stupid and/or dumb. I wish to understand.

After years of sending me the right tax form, Revenue Canada (in its infinite wisdom…) sent me the wrong one this year. I ordered the correct one (T1 special) on their website. What did they send me? A form entitled : “Calculating the Amount of RRSP Excess Contributions Made Before 1991 That Are Subject to Tax”. For starters, can’t they come up with a shorter name for this form. Oooops. Adding to my level of happiness/despair was the packing slip that proclaimed that I had ordered (1) T1 Special tax form. Revenue Canada is mocking me, I just know it. Within what they did send me, was something saying that I could pick up any tax form that I wanted by going to a post office. Great, I said, there is a post office just up the street. I went there and asked if I could get the proper form. She hadn’t a clue, and even asked someone else who worked there. Their response was that I probably should have received the correct form in the mail.

In Ottawa, miles and miles away, a bureaucrat barks.

— Are girl guide cookies made with real girl guides?

Well, I haven’t updated recently, but I have worked on some additional content for this page. Its not all there yet, but I have all kinds of fancy blinking menu things, and have built a new section, missing links. Most of it is there, except for the details and my own reviews. Deal with it for now.

The only reason I am mentioning the following is because they escaped their problem in one piece, and alive. Apparently, there were three guys who went for a walk in Lynn Canyon Park, or something like that. They were drunk, and wandered off into the wilderness just before dark. They were reported lost by those left behind, and search and rescue went out to find them. They were found hypothermic, and rather scantily clad. Now, before you jump to the conclusion about the preceding shenanagins, don’t. All that these young men did was, when they got cold, was to build a fire. Using their clothes. Yes, thats right, they burnt their shoes, hats, and jackets. Just how crazy do you have to be do to this? What would you need to stay warm when the fire inevitably goes out? Your clothes? Surely not, lets BURN THEM!

However, they were found, hypothermic but alive. Natural selection is once again interrupted.

Why is it that I never say anything like (and I quote, indirectly) : “You know,I feel really comfortable in Dunkin Donuts”. I just don’t know.

All my finals are over. I studied like crazy, and my hands and fingers still are sore from writing so much. On the upside, I’ve gotten A’s on all of my papers. Unfortunately, there are courses where I have gotten A’s on the papers, and will still probably fail the course.

However, what I wanted to relate to you is what happened to me during my wild trip to Disneyland. In 1987, my dad and I went to Disneyland. For a day (and only one..). Take into account that we live in Canada. However, we left our house on a Saturday morning, and came back on Sunday afternoon. Factor in a flight to and from Los Angeles. My mother didn’t go, somehow she didn’t want to go to the “Happiest Place on earth”. I’ve never gotten an explanation.

I have many memories of Disneyland. One of my favourites is the time I was approached by a stranger. I should first point out that I had eaten some ice cream at the time (the first for a long time). Actually, a vast amount of ice cream, a substance which at that point would readily invoke a rather nasty response. So I was outside afterwards, in the 30 degree (Celsius) heat wearing a jacket. Some tourist guy (not like I was a tourist) comes up to me an says : Aren’t you hot in that there Jacket? Well, my response was to lean over the fence and get rather sick.

Now, I should point out that this is not really the good part of the story. Nor is it the part of Disneyland that I really with to take away with me in my memories. The beautiful part of this was the look on the guys face. He sort of looked like I’d pulled a live lizard out of my ear or something. He just got all bug eyed, put his hands up the air like I was holding him hostage, backed up slowly and fled the scene of the crime. I’ll never forget the look on his face.

Oh, and I went on some rides too.

Just be thankful you are getting any update at all, since I have two papers due tomorrow and three exams in the next week.

Introducing the new Bio-Optic Organized Knowledge device, trade-named BOOK.

BOOK is a revolutionary breakthrough in technology: no wires, no electric circuits, no batteries, nothing to be connected or switched on. It’s so easy to use, even a child can operate it.

Compact and portable, it can be used anywhere — even sitting in an armchair by the fire — yet it is powerful enough to hold as much information as a CD-ROM disc.

Here’s how it works:

BOOK is constructed of sequentially numbered sheets of paper (recyclable), each capable of holding thousands of bits of information. The pages are locked together with a custom-fit device called a binder which keeps the sheets in their correct sequence.

Opaque Paper Technology (OPT) allows manufacturers to use both sides of the sheet, doubling the information density and cutting costs. Experts are divided on the prospects for further increases in information density; for now, BOOKS with more information simply use more pages. Each sheet is scanned optically, registering information directly into your brain. A flick of the finger takes you to the next sheet.

BOOK may be taken up at any time and used merely by opening it.

BOOK never crashes or requires rebooting, though, like other devices, it can become damaged if coffee is spilled on it and it becomes unusable if dropped too many times on a hard surface. The “browse” feature allows you to move instantly to any sheet, and move forward or backward as you wish. Many come with an “index” feature, which pin-points the exact location of any selected information for instant retrieval.

An optional “BOOKmark” accessory allows you to open BOOK to the exact place you left it in a previous session — even if the BOOK has been closed. BOOKmarks fit universal design standards; thus, a single BOOKmark can be used in BOOKs by various manufacturers. Conversely, numerous BOOK Markers can be used in a single BOOK if the user wants to store numerous views at once. The number is limited only by the number of pages in the BOOK.

You can also make personal notes next to BOOK text entries with optional programming tools, Portable Erasable Nib Cryptic Intercommunication Language Styli (PENCILS).

Portable, durable, and affordable, BOOK is being hailed as a precursor of a new entertainment wave. BOOK’s appeal seems so certain that thousands of content creators have committed to the platform and investors are reportedly flocking to invest. Look for a flood of new titles soon.

–Robert J. Beck

Yesterday, I believed that I may have come up with a good idea, or at least an interesting observation. I wondered why there are not overflow drains on kitchen sinks, yet there are always such drains on bathroom sinks and bathtubs? Doesn’t ANYBODY think having these would be a good idea? I mean, I am in much greater danger of overflowing the kitchen sink than the other ones. Apparently though, and I have run this past numerous people, this is a really stupid idea. Nobody has really suggested why this is a stupid idea, but the vote has so far been unanimous. Why??? Isn’t this at least a partially good concept? I just don’t understand. Perhaps it was the source of the idea that was the problem. Oh well, back to thinking…..

So why do I have to play my rented video tape at room temperature? Isn’t it always room temperature?

Ok boys and girls, todays lesson is in the phenomenon known as BUREAUCRACY

Thats right. Every University administration’s favourite pastime is getting students lost in a load of paperwork that nobody knows what to do with, other than send you to someone else who also wont know what to do with it.

So here is the story. I’ll start at the beginning, which you might know is rare for me. I was registering for some courses for this summer – 329 Biology (Experimental techniques) and 333 Biology (Developmental biology). I noticed far too late that there was a prerequisite for 329 that I didn’t have. NO problem I though, I’ll just get the instructor to sign a form, after I explain that it is inhumane to make civilized persons like myself to take physics. Actually, this was not the argument that I used, but that I planned to take it later, and that I couldn’t fit it into any previous semester. So after a week of trying to track down the instructor that the timetable said was teaching it this summer, it turns out that this was a “misprint”. Well, I finally did get hold of the instructor that teaches 329 this summer, but after a week of trying to do so. He signed the form very promptly, after only 4 more days of delay (not his fault, to be honest).

Now I was left with attempting to sign up for 333. NO problem right? Turns out that the two lab sections for 329 that did not conflict, were either full already or were cancelled outright by the department. Oh GOOOD! So now, before I could arrange registration for 333, I had to get a waiver form in order to enrol in 2 courses that have a time conflict. Piece of cake right? Well, the timetable said that there was a sessional teaching it in the summer (which means they haven’t hired anybody yet). I went to the biology department advisor who told me that a Dr. Anderson was teaching it this summer. So after another week I managed to track down Dr. Anderson (he didn’t answer my email and only had office hours on Tuesday morning (this is now a Thursday morning). So today ( a Tuesday) I finally talked to Dr. Anderson. I knew there was a problem when I asked him to sign my form for 333 and he gave me this look like I had just asked something inappropriate of him. Turns out he doesn’t teach 333 this summer, and never applied for the job. Back to the “advisor” who apologized and said that she had “heard” that Anderson was teaching 333, but wasn’t really sure. She could have looked it up and saved me a week. So she did look it up, and couldn’t give me an answer, and admitted it this time. She referred me to the head of the biology department. So today, I finally found the head of the department. She told me that somebody with the last name of Sorus taught the course. He couldn’t give me a lab or room number, and said that she might sign my conflict form. He suggested I asked the biology general office in order to find her room number. Biology general office had no clue, and referred me to Mrs. Fox who was in charge of such things, and hiring sessionals etc. I finally tracked her down at 5:00 PM. She told me that Sorus couldn’t sign my form because, while she had applied for the job, she hadn’t been hired yet. She referred me to someone whose office was empty – I mean no furniture, nothing! So back to her office, where she referred me someone called Medford, whose reputation precedes him, which was not a good thing.

So how many people is that? I have been bounced around from persons who don’t’ exist, to persons who lost their brains, to persons who give an answer even though they don’t know the correct one, to persons who don’t want to help me. Medford needed real convincing to sign my form, but he did in the end. Actually, I lied and said that I couldn’t take this course in the fall (I don’t’ even know if I could or not).

Now I am registered in 333 and 329. I need to sign up for another course still. Im sure that there is an adventure in that one too!