So lets just say that you have the wild and crazy idea to go to the grocery store. You gather all of your groceries, and you proceed to the checkout/interrogation counter. This is what I did yesterday. I went to the checkout, and decided that I needed another item. When I got back, there were about 9 extra (as opposed to before) people in the lineup. I thought that these was and ‘express lane’. Apparently this unofficial lane title was misinterpreted by the person in front of me. She continued to ‘express’ her resentment towards the people in front of us for going slowly. As it turned out, the 8 people in the front of the line were all related family members (apparently) and all left when the one item they were purchasing (1 litre of whipping cream…. FYI) was paid for. This was not good enough for the old grouch ahead of me, she continued to complain about how slow the ‘Trainee’ checkout person was. I think they should just write ‘Yell at me’ or ‘I am clearly incompetent’ instead of trainee on the name tags because this seems to be the way the human brain interprets these things anyway. I always wonder at the level of anger and such that people direct towards trainee lineup people. But I digress (and get use to that… because I have the attention span of a distracted walnut). Anyway, when the ‘Incredible Complaining Woman (ICW)’ in front of me tried to pay for her groceries, she was COMPLETELY INCOMPETENTLY SLOW!. I don’t want to get off on a rant here, but first she could not find her Safeway» card, then : ‘where IS my Air Miles» card’? And last, but not least, Hmmm, I’ll pay with interac. Ohhh… where is THAT card? Does anyone know what irony is? Does anyone know what her PIN number is? – because she DOESN’T. For someone so good at complaining, you would think that she would have some brain power left to remember FOUR STINKIN NUMBERS!!!!
But, alas, this was not the main event in my trip to the grocery store. The usual course of action that I take is to pay with interac. This is usually convenient, but can often lead to interesting problems. Yesterday, when I FINALLY managed to get through the line and attempt to pay, my interac card did not work. At all. Swipe. Swipe again. TRAINEE: ‘Maybe its dirteee’? Wipe it off. Swipe again. No dice. So, since there was nobody behind me, I went to the bank machine. You see, my interac card seems possessed by some evil force by the other side, it knows when I do not have cash with me and therefore picks those times to not work. However, whenever I go to the bank in order to get a new card, it works perfectly fine and they look at me like: why are you wasting our time sir? (You have to imagine the saccharine sweet ingratiating politeness with which this message is delivered). Back at Safeway, their bank machine will NOT take my card either. Bummer. What to do, what to do. The only course of action was to abandon my groceries and flee the store trailing behind me my shame and guilt.
So I went to the bank to get a replacement card. It worked at the bank. It worked and the ATM. No replacement. So today, I went to a different branch, and sorrowfully held up my broken (through some sort of bizarre ‘Accident’) and battered interac card, and GOT A REPLACEMENT!!! YEEEHAAA
I think the banks have a picture of me behind their counter that says : ‘Make his life a little more difficult’. Just because I am not paranoid, doesn’t mean that they are not out to get me.
All the good ones are taken. I am, of course, referring to donuts. All the good donuts have been eaten by other people and the ones that are left, are usually stale because they have been avoided by the general populace. This started out as an analogy, but now I am not so sure what this means, except that perhaps I am overly cynical.