Daylight savings time. What is all this about? Seems like like of an erroneous name to me, I mean – can you really save daylight? All of this is because we change our clocks (remember?) tonight/next morning. whenever. Usually this means that I change my clocks Monday morning, after some brand of excitement during the day. Why? Saskatchewan doesn’t have to do this, because apparently, it confuses the cows. Well, we don’t want to confuse the cows do we? Aren’t there cows here in B.C? Are they not confused as to the time of day and why isn’t whats his name coming out to milk us soon? HMmmm….

I think that cows a really pretty smart and are just biding their time / chewing their cuds until us humans screw ourselves up so much that…. the cows can take over. Really, they are far more devious than you think.

On Friday, which is not the best day of the week school-wise for me. Wow, that was a pretty bad sentence. Anyway, Friday is a real nasty where days of the week go. Class starts at 9:30 and goes on until 1:30. Then, as its that wasn’t a bad enough streak of lectures, there is the ever ominous Organic chemistry lab. Ouch. On Friday I was in there for about 5 – 6 hours, all spent hovering over a fume hood, trying to get this clear, smelly liquid to turn into another clear, even more smelly liquid. Why we do this I am not sure, but I am even more sure that we basically learn nothing. They should call the class : Mixing clear liquids and assembling treelike class structures on various branches of which you have obviously connected incorrectly 987. A high number like that just to indicate how difficult the class is. All of this work, and I get a yield of 28% for 2-methycyclohexene (I’ll bet the spellchecker will lock right up when it reaches this work, which is much the same as my brain), which is really a disaster. The best thing about this lab is the headaches and the dizziness from washing all the glassware with acetone.

Enough complaining for now.

Riding the bus has actual advantages. Obviously, but I think to add to the list that already includes environmental and cost factors, one should add the likelihood that you will stay uninjured on your journey. Driving home today, I saw another accident on the SFU hill. A young woman was lying on the pavement beside her SUV – type vehicle that had obviously rolled a few times. Police and bystandards were around her. This is just a hundred meters or so beyond the place where another SFU student, a young woman, was rear ended by some speeding yahoo, and ultimately died. This morning I found out that she was in one of my classes, and we had a minute of silence for her. So I was already thinking about this on the way home, and to see an accident that looked injurous and violent, well…. I won’t get into another rant about persons habits while driving except to say this…. At the intersection at the bottom of the hill I was almost hit by someone (on a cell phone no less…) who turned left on to Gaglardi right in front of me (on a red light). I had to do some sort of evasive manoeuvre, which, I suspect, was more due to reflex than actual though processes. There was not collision, but ….I am not going to rant about speeding, stupidity, cell phones or anything else because I have already touched on those points recently and I would be unable to do so today without profuse swearing…. Maybe I should start riding the bus again?

I wrote a midterm today. This should not come as any surprise to anyone, even me, as I am a University student. I always feel this profound sense of relief after an exam is over, no matter how well I think I did. Today, however, I think that I did quite well, though my initial perceptions on exam performances have been shaky in terms of accuracy in the past. This midterm from today was for BISC 313, Environmental Toxicology. 313 is a class that I like, and has not showed itself to be really difficult as of yet (remember my inaccuracy on evaluation of exam performance (post exam, pre-grade)). This is not a statement that I can say for my other two classes, Organic Chemistry I (Chem 150), and Animal Physiology (BISC 305). My Animal Physiology professor keeps taunting us with how bad we did on last weeks exam, even though he has no told us any of our marks yet. He seems almost proud that the reality is likely that 40% on this exam will yield a letter grade of around a B. This exam, like the toxicology exam today, was not remarkable in terms of its difficulty, but in terms of its length. I wrote 5 definitions (with examples), two short essays, and one long essay, all in 50 minutes for a total of 7 pages. My hands have not completely ceased spasming as of yet! Nothing dismays me more that looking at the clock during an exam and realizing that I have either two more points to add to my essay (today) or a whole big question left to complete (last week – 305).

I was finding Organic chemistry to be remarkably easy, not at all like I suspected up until the midterm. I had 80% on this midterm, which, considering the exam, I was kind of disappointed about. IF you had told me that I would be disappointed with a mark like hat on any chemistry exam I would have laughed out loud. However, since the midterm successes, the whole thing has avalanched and I am smothered without any air to breathe. Talk about being lulled into complacency (complacency might not be the right word, I mean to indicate that I was comfortable with the way that things were progressing….).

That is enough complaining for now.

I was watching the telly the other night and I was reminded (via flashback) to a class I took at UCFV. Invertebrate physiology. Very exciting course, in some respects, though the actual course material was infinitely complex and difficult. The lab portion of the course made up for the lecture though. Just think, learning all of this stuff, suffering through horrible midterms and lab exams, getting an “A”, and the damn thing didn’t even transfer to SFU. All of this is beside the point though. My flashback was while watching a show called “Sex on the reef”. Now, this sounds more exciting than a course in invertebrate physiology doesn’t’ it? Well, actually no. This is not the sort of material that you probably think it is. This is simply a nature show where the virtues of some sort of animal kind of behaviour is presented with a bad soundtrack and many unnecessary dramatics. Perhaps I am not expressing my point correctly, you probably still have the wrong idea. This video has nothing to do with pornography, unless you are a bivalve, or some kind of starfish. However, I do laugh when these nature shows totally over dramatises the day in the life of an ant or something similar with really bad music and hushed commentary. What this all reminded me of was when our Biology 301 (the aforementioned Invertebrate physiology …) class watched “Sex on the Reef”, the most hilarious nature video/show that I have ever seen. The epitome of bad video music. Thought I would share that.

Whats the deal with those HOV lanes on the freeway before the Port Mann bridge? I really wonder how much this will really speed up the commute back from Vancouver for those poor souls who have to traverse such distances to go to work. The bridge is still only two lanes either way right? So what we have now is 4 lanes going down to two, with people merging in from United Blvd or whatever the hell it is. Is this really going to help? And only two people per car constitutes car pool? Don’t even get me started!

To continue my thing on speeding down the SFU hill. I hope the the RCMP keeps up their speed traps going down the mountain. I hope to see long lines of a-holes backed up waiting to receive their speeding tickets. I’ll sail by and laugh.

So I went to Lighthouse park (in West Vancouver on Saturday). Pretty good day, considering we live on the WET (I think we should just officially drop the ‘s’ in west) coast and Saturday was rather sunny. This is only the second time I have ever (in memories short reaches) been to Lighthouse Park, and this time was considerably better than the last! Saw all kinds of interesting things in the tidal pools, most of which I know far more about than I would like to admit. I think that I am forever brainwashed into the biology thing – I cannot look at a hermit crab or something without thinking that I should not have forgotten the scientific name. I used to know these things. What I did see, that I could name, included a number of sea grasses, snails (Nucella emarginata, Littorina sitkana – but, alas, no Littorina scutulata!!! ), isopods (Idothea wosnozenskii – strangely named after someone called Wosnozenski!!!!!), blue mussels ( Mytilus edulis, and lots of other stuff of which I won’t bore you with the names of. I could have gone on about these things with the people that I was there with, but I decided to keep my yap shut, at least some of the time. I still want to know why ALL of the dungeness crabs (Cancer magister) were DEAD!!! It could have been a coincidence but, I think that that part of the ocean is probably just FUCKED from all of the runoff and toxins ( Im taking toxicology II this semester) from those swanky west van housing developments. When was the last time you heard swanky in a sentence?

I was good to be there on a good day. The tide was lower than last time (you can then see more of the stuff in the intertidal zone…), it wasn’t raining, no one was complaining (even ME!), and there was no makeup running down someones rain poncho (truth really IS stranger than fiction – and is also a long story). Actually last time was about two years ago, and since I have gone to west vancouver a lot lately, I’ll probably end up at LP a lot more now that I really know what is there. Last time was actually quite funny – everybody got completely soaked. This in itself was not exceptional, even for a January in Vancouver, however the aftermath seemed typical of the period. I wore these gigantic hiking boots, jeans, and stuff. As I mentioned I got completely soaked, muddy to the knees, etc. So what do we do later? Everybody seems to have a change of clothes (not me….) and we go out to dinner in Vancouver!! So I walk into this restaurant in downtown on Robson and something or other, with soaked jeans and muddy hicking boots with these two who look more like they should be going out to eat. Oh well. It was fun – and my feet dried out sometime in March I think.

I think it interesting that we might be the only species on this planet that can show empathy for other species around us (on more than an individual scale). There are no other species that actively attempt to help or save those species that are dying out, or having problems in some critical facet of their existence. We are the only ones who do this. Isn’t it ironic then, that we are the only ones with the power to destroy entire species through our sole action? We could wipe out everything if we really wanted. I think that it is partially out of guilt that some of us act to save other species. There people and organizations, whose politics I may or may not always agree with, that attempt to help other species and the environment in general. It seems likely that they feel guilt from what others are doing. More likely though, they understand, or have a greater understanding, of how the health of all the species on this planet are also indicators of the health of the environmental conditions upon which we rely upon as well. This all spawns from a commercial I saw which, in part, stated something like “we are the only species who can have compassion about others….”. Particularly interesting when we are the only ones who can completely destroy.

On a slightly lighter note, I GOT MY STUDENT LOAN TODAY! While naturally, this is a long weekend (anyone know why? – I haven’t been able to find out yet) and I cannot deposit it until Tuesday at least. I AM happy though, to finally have the papers in my own hands. While there are those I know personally who undoubtedly deserve such moneys more than myself, I am glad to not have to go and beg for food money from those connections I have that are considerably more wealthy than I. I hate owing money to anyone (even faceless corporations…) and even worse, I hate having to ask for more.

Why are there CD’s that I loathe, have listened to all but once, and still refuse to take out of the row on the shelf because a bunch of CD’s all in a row “look nice”?

Why does the a-hole giving the nice bank teller a very hard time glare at me when I tell him he should leave? I was having a bad day – but at least I took it out on someone who deserved it.

Nobody reads any of this do they?

I was going to write a long thing about how I would rather have the leader of my country have an affair with an intern than infringe upon the rights of my countries citizens by ordering the cessation of protestations in order to not embarrass a war criminal and blood stained dictator. I was going to rant about how Clinton is a better “leader” than our Prime Minister Tweedle dee, and how I don’t like BC Premier Glenocchio either. After much consideration, I have decided to do the smart thing and not mention the item at all.

There is rarely a point in time when a simple spin around the block to alleviate boredom will end up as a simple spin around the block. Usually such things will get me travelling to Vancouver. Such was the case on Saturday night. I left thinking that I would be just going up to the store for food, and ended up negotiating downtown. Any unplanned trip downtown with me will usually end up in frequent frustration, wrong turns, and creation of new words. This is only if there is a particular direction I wish to travel, or a destination to be reached. If my aim is to simply kill time, there are no such frustrations.

This is not to so, however, that there will never be frustrations if this is my objective. Take this past Saturday for example, I was driving around downtown, minding my own business, contemplating going bowling or wandering Waters street on foot. Such plans were not to be.

So I am turning left onto the road that goes directly in front of the Pan Pacific Hotel. Those intimately familiar with Vancouver will likely know which street this is. I do not, nor do I have the fortitude to at this time attempt to read a map. The street is not really that important. Just as I am about to get up to the stop sign, I stopped early, as to allow the bus turning left into the lane beside me more than ample room to complete the job. I think I ran into a rookie bus driver. He was driving one of those gigantic tour busses that are as about twice as high as they are long. This may be an exaggeration. So he get closer, and closer to my bumper. Pretty soon the side of his bus is scraping a long the front left corner of my bumper, leaving this long black streak on the side of the bus. I would love to have words with him, however, that would have to wait. The action I then took is where this story really starts. I look into my rear view mirror. Nobody there. I put it in reverse (after all, I don’t wish to have a bus run over the front of my car), and while still accelerating, run into the car behind me. I got distracted from the bus pretty quickly. Naturally, the car I hit was a brand new looking, fancy, Honda civic. I do not know if this guy was also going forward at the time I hit him, but I imagine most (if not all) of the error was on my part. I have never hit anything with my car before, and this was not a prospect that I had looked forward to. Oh well, there is yet another streak that I have broken.

Does that count as one or two accidents?

So after the usual exchanging of licence numbers etc, and inspection of the cars (NO DAMAGE, I am pleased to say) we leave each other. So much for my relaxing drive. Oh well, at least is was NOT boring. Anyway I then decided that the best course of action would be to make my way home.

So I am sitting at the light of the intersection of Robson and Thurlow. Bang! Some girl hits me from behind (this happened to me a few years ago too, at the very SAME intersection!). Once again, no damage, but I was starting to have enough of Vancouver for once. At least she seemed to care that she hit me, and apologized profusely. Strange she looked close enough to someone that I used to go out with that I had to look three or four times to realize that it was a different person. Weird experience. More license number exchanged.

I am still pissed at that bus.

On the way home, going through New Westminster, I go through one of those drinking and driving checkpoints. The bottle of root beer in my lap received extra scrutiny. The cop actually asked for it to smell it. Oh well, they didn’t pull me over to the side to flashlight the inside of my car this time anyway.

So the moral of this story is… uhmmm. Well, at least, don’t just look in your rear view mirror – actually turn your head. At least I didn’t regret not doing that all that much, it could have been worse.

DAVE BARRY ON RELATIONSHIPS

CONTRARY to what many women believe, it’s fairly easy to develop a long-term, stable, intimate, and mutually fulfilling relationship with a guy. Of course this guy has to be a Labrador retriever. With human guys,it’s extremely difficult. This is because guys don’t really grasp what women mean by the term relationship.

Let’s say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they’re driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: “Do you realize that, as of tonight, we’ve been seeing each other for exactly six months?”

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he’s been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I’m trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn’t want, or isn’t sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I’m not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I’d have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let’s see . . .February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer’s, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He’s upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I’m reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed — even before I sensed it — that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that’s it. That’s why he’s so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He’s afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I’m gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don’t care what those morons say, it’s still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It’s 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He’s angry. And I don’t blame him. I’d be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can’t help the way I feel. I’m just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They’ll probably say it’s only a 90-day warranty.That’s exactly what they’re gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I’m just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I’m sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I’ll give them a goddamn warranty. I’ll take their warranty and stick it right up their *** and they will talk about this situ……………………………
September 23, 1998 Unpopular ideas – breakfast corn and PIZZA!

WOW. September 23! What happened? I think its should still be March. Perhaps it was all a dream?

I know that I have not updated this page in a long time, and that the whole title of The Daily Rant is a sham, but not much has happened since the Vancouver bumpercars incident.

So what I am going to share with you are some of the least popular ideas that I brought forth in my previous life at UCFV. These things are seemingly benign, but you would not believe the adamant beliefs that certain persons (UCFV personalities) hold on these subjects. An open mind is always a good thing, and a closed mouth gathers no feet.

I have previously been vilified and mocked for my beliefs about the phenomenon known as breakfast. Lets pretend for the moment that you have slept in. It is around 1:00 in the afternoon. You get up, go downstairs (or for me now, I go about two feet) and get something to eat. What is this meal called? Breakfast? Lunch? A snack?

I hold the vastly unpopular view that this in fact NOT breakfast. LOOK, you have missed the time when normal people eat breakfast. You are now eating lunch, and your next big meal (not snacks…. a meal) will be called dinner. On the occasion of THIS morning you did not have breakfast. Simply calling the first meal of the day : BREAKFAST is pandering to those who call it the “most important meal of the day”. You are all simply giving in to an age old information campaign. SHAME!!

Another unpopular idea that I unveiled one day was that corn will taste the same whether it is eaten on or off of the cob from which it came. I did not think that this was a wild and crazy idea, but it became immediately obvious that I was a revolutionary. A true trendsetter before my time. Even though I still posess ALL of my own teeth, I actually cut the corn off of the cob before I eat it. This has given rise to considerable quantity of mocking of unparalled dimentions, from my parents and my peers. Apparently, I am missing out on the whole EXPERIENCE of eating corn. I maintain that the corn one eats on the cob is much the same as the corn one eats off of it. So sue me.

I have probably gotten you all riled up about these positions on such delicate subject matter. I have had intense discussions about this, and have had very few people agree with my positions. I have even been persecuted for my beliefs by those who, at the time, had significant enough influence upon me to do so.

Now is probably not a good time to point out that I generally eat pizza with a fork.

“Excuse me, sir. I think your head just exploded!”

“What?”

“You have blood all over the side of your face.”

Such was my last trip to A&B Sound. I know what you are thinking. Actually, no I don’t, but I’ll bet its far more interesting than what I am about to say.

It is not often that a trip to browse a music store ends in the loss of precious bodily fluids. Well OK, but they aren’t usually MY bodily fluids. I first knew something was wrong when this rather attractive young lady (who was about 5 feet from me) looked at me. I looked at her. What spoiled this beautiful moment was that she recoiled in obvious horror and fled the scene. This would fit my normal status as a social pariah, but usually the scene fleeing is not as… agitated. Oh well. So I had gone to A&B Sound in order to look over CDs and equipment that I have no means to afford anyway. So I went during a sale, so at least my grand worth of $0 would at least be closer to the actual prices. Having had my fill, I attempted to exit the building.

So this store employee person (of whom I went to high school with, no less) walked up to me at the exit and said : “I think you have a problem!”. Now let me go deeper into the causes for my initial misinterpretation of this statement. I approached this girl once before, and said : “Hey, we went to D.W. Poppy together!!”. She threatened to call security because I was, and I quote: “like all the other a-holes who harass me at work”. Gee, just being friendly. She also demanded to know why I knew what high school she went to as well. Some people need to put their thinking caps on again.

So this is why “I think you have a problem!” was perhaps misconstrued upon initial assessment. What she was actually referring to was the rather profuse amount of blood running down the side of my head. So I fled the store, as it became immediately obvious that this was the case.

Upon further investigation using the mirrors in my car, in seemed that in fact, I WAS bleeding from the head. This is not an experience that I recommend.

Ever cut yourself and not noticed for a long period of time. Then when you do (notice), you can’t imagine why you didn’t notice in the first place. I believe this is rule number 50 (see rule number 129 -which I believe is in my humor section), which is included with why you always bang your leg in the EXACT spot where your deep bone bruise is.

So I cleaned myself up using a paper towel pilfered from the back compartment of my car. It seemed obvious that I had this on my face the entire time I was in the store, as it was rather congealed. This also cleared up the mystery as to why my cheek was so damn itchy in the store. Of course, this only served to allow me to smear the blood around my face. I was a real mess.

I also noticed that there was blood on my hand (from when I had scratched). I then recalled that I had picked up a large number of CDs to look at them. Just imagine… how many other people who’s head had exploded had been there before me? I just hope I didn’t leave a trail of RBC’s all through the store!

BTW – all these shenanigans were from a prior medical condition that was already in treatment. All I can say is that side effect SUCK!!!.

I guess that I am obligated to write rule number 50 now, right?

So, if you have struggled through this story all this way, I leave you today with a bonus, which does not include RBC’s running amok.

Rules, statements and silliness

Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.

To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups (remember the Oregon Highway Patrol and the whale disposal?).

Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. – I have paid the ultimate price, I have age, but not maturity.

Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

Women like silent men, they think they’re listening. – I’ve tried this. This is NOT what they think.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. — this in NOT a metaphor.

A fool and his money are soon partying.

Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? Which reminds me, what was sliced bread the greatest thing since?

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?

“Relationships are hard. It’s like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girl friend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.”– Bob Ettinger

“A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh.”– Conan O’Brien

“In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?”– Warren Hutcherson

“The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it’s you.” — Rita Mae Brown

“If your parents never had children, chances are you won’t either.” — Dick Cavett

“Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I’m halfway through my fishburger and I realize, Oh my God….I could be eating a slow learner ..”– Lynda Montgomery

“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.” — Elayne Boosler

IF MICROSOFT BUILT CARS

Bill Gates wanted to look good and impress everyone with his success. He decided to measure the accomplishments of Microsoft against General Motors. His comparison went like this: If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour, or you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds and gets a thousand miles to the gallon. In either case, the sticker price of the new car would be under $50.

In response to all this goading, GM responded: “Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that exhibits the following tendencies?”

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car. 2. Occasionally, your car would die on the freeway for no apparent reason, and you would have to restart it. For some strange reason, you would just accept this and drive on. 3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you would have to reinstall the engine. For some strange reason, you would just accept this, too. 4. Your car could only have one passenger at a time, unless you bought a “CAR 95” or a “Car NT”. But then you’d have to buy more seats. 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as fast and twice as easy to drive–but it would run on only five percent of the roads. 6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars, which would make their cars run much more slowly. 7. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights on the Microsoft car would be replaced by a single, “general car fault” warning light. 8. New seats would force everyone to have the same sized butt. 9. The air bag system would say, “Are you sure?” before deploying in an emergency. 10. If you were involved in a crash, you would have no idea what happened.