The other day I was eating at Burger King, sitting in the car at the parking lot. Usually, little birds, obviously filling the “Fast Food Parking Lot Niche”, sit on the hood of the car (pooping everywhere) and beg for whatever they can get. I don’t feed them, but I have seen a great number of people who do, which is probably why they are there in the first place (the birds). On this particular day things were a little different. I was calmly surveying my meal, serenely contemplating the culinary refuse that I was about to consume, when a blood curdling (I’m not kidding) scream filled the air. This was then filled with vigorous honking of a car horn at which point a three girls emptied out of the adjacent card and ran across the parking lot. This got my attention, but not as much as when I noticed the rather large, healthy looking RAT foraging amongst the bread crumbs on the hood of their car. I found this rather amusing. While not particularly liking rats or other vermin in the house in which I live, having them show up in parking lots can be quite interesting. Why is it that you never have your camera when a “Kodak moment” appears?
Somehow I knew that taking this job at JobLand TM would yield a high number of “Daily Rant” topic areas. When bad things of one nature or another happen at work, as they invariably do, I can only console myself with the fact that 1) I am getting more than minimum wage, and 2) I can update my site with tales of the carnage and aftermath of each day at work. The last few weeks have been a lot like that.
About two weeks ago I spent the first 4 hours of my shift limping around the warehouse. This wasn’t as much fun as one might expect. So, after having my fill of this, I limped off to first aid after which I was sent home because of the painful nature of one side of my right foot. So I went to my doctor the next day. We agreed that it hurt, and he said I needed to take a week off work, with which I didn’t agree (stay home = less money). At any rate, it appeared that I had a “flat foot”. No, not flat FEET, which would be “normal”, but just one flat foot. I suggested that his meant only half of me could be drafted and if this was why I was walking in circles. The doctor thought this was funny, but he was probably laughing because of how much he was getting paid to look at my feet. This flat footed feature caused my little toe to point inwards, and the joint just below it to jutt out into the side of my boot, which sucked (the situation). So, unfortunately, I found myself with over a week off of work. This introduced me to one of those mental areas that I am sure are quite damaging. While at work, I desire to be anywhere else, home even. So I was stuck away from work, noting the flatline nature of my bank account and unable to do much about it. At one point, I actually wished I was at work, a though which caused me great concern. I worried that I was on some kind of cognitive precipice which, if I were to fall over it, would cause me to actually LIKE my job. If I ever fall down in such a way, and like my job at JobLandTM, I give you permission to shoot me. Nonfatally, of course.
The only interesting thing about this was as I was limping out of the warehouse. Seemed the rumor was that I had been hit by a forklift. How this started I wasn’t sure, but I was only mad because I hadn’t thought of starting it myself. When I returned to work on Friday of this week, the rumor had died. Sad, because I was anticipating that it might have grown to the point where I was actually killed in the valiant battle with the forklift. Oh well, glory will have to wait.
I’m also still reeling from the sheer disappointment brought on by the inaugural utilization of my employee discount (a staggering 10%). Sadly, it wasn’t the endorphin-fest that I’d expected. No, its ok, I’ll get over it.
Today I went to the podiatrist. Unfortunately, this meant another day off of work, so I lost around 70 dollars today. At any rate – I got a good quote out of the doctor. He looked at my feet, asked me to walk on then, and then said: “wow – look at that”! Not exactly a endorsement of my condition. This is the last thing you want to hear from your doctor – exclamations of surprise followed by his inviting colleagues in to look at the freak. Makes me wonder what happens during surgery when the patient is asleep. No, nothing like this happened, but it was still a humorous reaction. Then we went through the whole fun x-ray thing. Then they screwed them up and I had to have them all taken again. Good thing is that I get to spend next Tuesday off work as well, which sucks. Insert expletive here.
We now return you to the year 2001, already in progress…