Its too bad that an earlier edition of this update was lost due to a tragic power loss during saving of the file. I hate computers – they are evil! I could only recover a few sentences from the broken and battered file I found after I rebooted. You have been deprived of one of the funniest rants I have ever written. A minute of silence….
I haven’t been updating much because school work has reared its ugly head once again. I have four papers and two presentations to do in the next 13 days. The CementLandTM “library” hasn’t been helping out much either. A library is somewhere you can find books. Most of the books and journal articles I want I have to go to UBC for. This is why I use the term “library” loosely in this context.
For the last two weeks or so there has been a Translink display outside of the library. I suppose us students are supposed to “ohh” and “ahhh” over the fancy architectural designs that these new rapid transit stations offer. Why do each of these have to be an architectural “marvel”? I asked the representative if this was the most cost effective way of doing it. “Oh, that’s what the people wanted!”, she said. Right. For articles on this, I refer you to a journal in the library. Apparently, this would be the most fitting place to comment on both the CementLandTM library AND Translink.
Another interesting thing is that Translink’s President or whatever claims he doesn’t ride the very system he is in charge of because it is “inconvenient” and not “fast enough”. Really? That’s why us common folk don’t ride it either?!! His idea as to how to pay for all this “upgrading” is to impose a vehicle levy of around $75 for every vehicle in the area “served” by Translink. This is all under the banner of punishing those horrible polluting cars and get everyone to ride the bus. This, despite the fact that transit is “inconvenient” and not “fast enough”. New SUV’s (Suburban Ugly Vehicle’s) are charged more than Uncle Bobs ’82 Honda Civic with the rotting muffler simply because they weigh more. Now, lets say you live in Langley, a suburb of Vancouver. Langley is under the stranglehold of Translink just as Vancouver is. However, there is very little resembling a bus system in Langley. Where I grew up, a bus comes by in the morning, and comes back at night. Apparently, this is “convenient” and “fast enough” to the point where people out there should pay the same as someone living in Vancouver where a bus ambles by every 10 minutes.
However – don’t despair you Langley living persons!!! I’m sure that all the money from your transit levies will go to getting YOU, the people who need it, the bus service you are paying extra for! I’m sure that it won’t go to simply covering the cost of flagrant cosmetic fanaticism of the new skytrain stations! Then you can join the happy hordes that have horrible and frustrating bus experiences every day!
The year I rode the bus to CementLandTM was one full of rich “learning” experiences. I learned a lot about human behaviour, misbehavior, and psychosis. The bus to CementLandTM wasn’t quite as bad as it is in other places, though I did manage to overhear a great number of interesting things. Sometimes you just get one quote out of the person and then their voice wafts back into the vocal flotsam and you never hear another word from them.
“If it wasn’t for my horse I would never have gone to University”
“And then Uncle Frank said : put down the plunger”!
“If its tourist season why can’t we shoot them”?
“I think Jason still thinks I’m female” “I can’t decide if I want to marry Frank or Brian”
“All the really GOOD sentences start with So. Don’t they”?
And so on….
Then there was the time when I came back from a late night in Vancouver on the bus than runs up Hastings Street. This was at 1:00 AM. I don’t recommend this, but if I hadn’t done it – I might never have met Santa Claus. So when jolly old St. Nick joined me on the otherwise empty bus he sat right next to me. Not only did this fellow wear a Santa suit in the middle of June on a hot and muggy night, he actually (apparently) believed that he WAS Santa Claus! Strange, all the other schizophrenics wore normal clothing. He even asked me what I wanted for Christmas. “World Peace” I said. I don’t think that was the best choice of answers. He seemed to get agitated and said : “Man! I’m not JESUS”. Really? Were you LAST week?
Remember to take your medication boys and girls. I should have asked him why he was riding the bus. Where were the reindeer?
So the other week I actually rode the bus even though I have a fully functional car. I was in the mood for excitement! (sad… I know). Unfortunately, as these things usually go when they are forced, nothing interesting happened unless you count the new hat I bought at MEC. Mr. Excitement.
So, and as all good sentences start with “so” – I’ll tell you a bus story from someone I know at CementLandTM. I listened to this story, and while I did not ask permission to use it here, I will repeat it anyway. May she never find it written here.
She was sitting on the bus going home from CementLandTM. She was absentmindedly rubbing her foot up and down the leg of the seat in front of her as she read some kind of book. When the next stop came, the guy in the seat in front of her got up, turned around, and gave her a really big smile, shook his head, and left. At that point, much to her horror, she realized that it was not the leg of the bus that she had been rubbing against. I can only imagine what was going through the mind of the guy in front of her. The guy across the aisle from her kept looking at her after that. I have had some damn uncomfortable bus rides, but nothing quite as embarrassing as that. Hmmm….
After the hooting and knee slapping had died down, I introduced the concept of Frotteurism, and unfortunately had to explain what it was. Even more unfortunate was that the response was : “Oh, it sounds like you know…”. Well, how do I respond to that? Obviously, I pointed out that this knowledge was the result of taking many psychology classes, an explanation that only resulted in more and questioning and lame defenses on my part. Unfortunately, none of my defenses “took”. I guess I make good sport.
So fear not Langley SUV owners! Your faithful regurgitation of funds when they are required of you will go towards enriching the lives of those in the big city! Think of the entertainment that our faithful bus system will give us! Think of the joy the fancy new skytrain stations will bring! Wow!