“Excuse me, sir. I think your head just exploded!”
“What?”
“You have blood all over the side of your face.”
Such was my last trip to A&B Sound. I know what you are thinking. Actually, no I don’t, but I’ll bet its far more interesting than what I am about to say.
It is not often that a trip to browse a music store ends in the loss of precious bodily fluids. Well OK, but they aren’t usually MY bodily fluids. I first knew something was wrong when this rather attractive young lady (who was about 5 feet from me) looked at me. I looked at her. What spoiled this beautiful moment was that she recoiled in obvious horror and fled the scene. This would fit my normal status as a social pariah, but usually the scene fleeing is not as… agitated. Oh well. So I had gone to A&B Sound in order to look over CDs and equipment that I have no means to afford anyway. So I went during a sale, so at least my grand worth of $0 would at least be closer to the actual prices. Having had my fill, I attempted to exit the building.
So this store employee person (of whom I went to high school with, no less) walked up to me at the exit and said : “I think you have a problem!”. Now let me go deeper into the causes for my initial misinterpretation of this statement. I approached this girl once before, and said : “Hey, we went to D.W. Poppy together!!”. She threatened to call security because I was, and I quote: “like all the other a-holes who harass me at work”. Gee, just being friendly. She also demanded to know why I knew what high school she went to as well. Some people need to put their thinking caps on again.
So this is why “I think you have a problem!” was perhaps misconstrued upon initial assessment. What she was actually referring to was the rather profuse amount of blood running down the side of my head. So I fled the store, as it became immediately obvious that this was the case.
Upon further investigation using the mirrors in my car, in seemed that in fact, I WAS bleeding from the head. This is not an experience that I recommend.
Ever cut yourself and not noticed for a long period of time. Then when you do (notice), you can’t imagine why you didn’t notice in the first place. I believe this is rule number 50 (see rule number 129 -which I believe is in my humor section), which is included with why you always bang your leg in the EXACT spot where your deep bone bruise is.
So I cleaned myself up using a paper towel pilfered from the back compartment of my car. It seemed obvious that I had this on my face the entire time I was in the store, as it was rather congealed. This also cleared up the mystery as to why my cheek was so damn itchy in the store. Of course, this only served to allow me to smear the blood around my face. I was a real mess.
I also noticed that there was blood on my hand (from when I had scratched). I then recalled that I had picked up a large number of CDs to look at them. Just imagine… how many other people who’s head had exploded had been there before me? I just hope I didn’t leave a trail of RBC’s all through the store!
BTW – all these shenanigans were from a prior medical condition that was already in treatment. All I can say is that side effect SUCK!!!.
I guess that I am obligated to write rule number 50 now, right?
So, if you have struggled through this story all this way, I leave you today with a bonus, which does not include RBC’s running amok.
Rules, statements and silliness
Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.
To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups (remember the Oregon Highway Patrol and the whale disposal?).
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. – I have paid the ultimate price, I have age, but not maturity.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Women like silent men, they think they’re listening. – I’ve tried this. This is NOT what they think.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. — this in NOT a metaphor.
A fool and his money are soon partying.
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? Which reminds me, what was sliced bread the greatest thing since?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?