I’m more than slightly pissed off that, in a moment of inattentiveness, I ran right into a protruding trailer hitch in the CementLand parking lot earlier this week. After a few choice audible expletives, I continues on my (at this point not so “merry”) way, limping slightly. I don’t recommend the experience. I would like the owner of that truck to know that I hate him/her! My now swollen and colorful knee would like to pass on a slightly more intense message, but I don’t think it would be appropriate to repeat it.
Well, now, a couple days since I my fateful collision with the trailer hitch, I am no longer limping. Yipee!
Well, today was an interesting time. Probably the highlight of this was when I tobogganed on my ass down a 10 foot, steep rock slope to the trail below. I should point out that I don’t wish you to try this at home, should you have a rock slope handy. That region of my body has turned all kinds of nice colors, and the fact that I did this with ample witnesses made the situation even more interesting. Now, this was in Lighthouse park in West Vancouver. I went down the very same slope many years ago. It was raining then, the rocks were wet, I was wearing uncomfortable boots with poor gripping soles. Did I fall then? NOoooo! Today, good shoes, dry rocks, and I fall down! Eyewitness said that I put my hands at my side and confronted gravity “luge-style”. Maybe I should switch to that winter sport rather than continue running? No, I think not. However, I doubt I’ll be running anytime immediately. Limping maybe. At least nobody laughed. Maybe next time I’ll appreciate a mere trailer hitch collision a little more!
I’ve always wondered about the phenomenon of why “dumb” people have an affinity for hanging out with “smart” ones, but the reverse isn’t true. I think it has something to do with the intelligence gradient. This is similar to a chemical gradient in that things travel from high concentrations to low concentrations. The speed of this transfer depends upon the steepness of the gradient. The “dumb” person has nothing to lose, they can’t lose what little intelligence they have, they can only gain more (sadly, it is but a temporary respite from what would be a good golf score, but is a poor I.Q). The smart person, however, has everything to lose. The reason they look visibly pained by a confrontation with “dumbness” is because their intelligence is being sucked right out of their eyes. Prolonged exposure to “dumbness”, say at the CementLand information counter, will put a smart person into “intellectual shock”. This is usually what has happened when you see someone stumbling away from a counter (be it in CementLand or some other bureaucratic institution) with a stressed/pained look on their face. Luckily this isn’t a permanent detriment, the intelligence comes back quickly, but it might be sorely missed while it is gone (hence… the babbling). I’m not saying that I fall into either the “smart” or the “dumb” category, in fact, I’m probably somewhere right in the middle. “Dumbness” bothers me, but not at the debilitating level of someone with excess intelligence. I also like to be around smart people, and my intermediate intelligence level is not too painful for them. So I have the “best” of both worlds really, although some might argue otherwise.
You know when you get a popsicle or something in those paper wrappers? The ends tend to stick together when you open them. So, I have taken to blowing into them to get the wrapper to open up. This works great! However, I don’t recommend that you utilize this particular methodology in the opening of a bag of garlic powder. Blowing into it might not be the most effective way of opening it without extreme pain. Now, I am not admitting that this happened to me, but I uhh… have “heard and read” that the garlic powder tends to blow up into your face. This tend, I imagine, to get up into your nose, and into your eyes. Neither one is very comfortable.
I’m starting to rethink which side of the intelligence gradient I am on. Damn.
On a completely unrelated note, something interesting happened last week on my way out of CementLand. I was walking up the hallway with a number of other students, class had just gotten out so there were more than usual. This was 7:30PM, or something. I really didn’t think that we were generating any sort of horrible noise levels, but this professor burst out of his classroom and shushed us! I said to him – “its a hallway – why don’t you close the DOOR”! Apparently he hadn’t thought of that one. I hope he isn’t teaching a course in logic or something….
I’m starting to think that I shouldn’t drive in North Vancouver. Last weekend I drove out to Deep Cove. I seem to be drawn there for some reason, I don’t know why. Perhaps it is because I have such a good view of it from where I now live. Actually, standing on my front lawn, I have a great view of the north shore mountains as far east as the Golden Ears. I can also see all the way up Burrard Inlet through Port Moody. I can also see well past Deep Cove. This isn’t a bad place to be in terms of a view, and I can even see Mt. Baker from here on a clear day! Anyway, all this isn’t the point. I got to Deep Cove and…. the damn tide was IN! Well, this wasn’t conducive to the sort of “looking around” that I wanted to do, so I went for a drive, only to be rear ended by a grossly inattentive driver. I stopped to let some guy back into a parking spot (parallel), and I saw her coming up behind me. I knew what was going to happen, but I did (slightly) enjoy the look of panic that came over her when she finally looked up to see me looming large in her window! Slam the brakes, screech the tires, hit me in the rear!
Now, I have bounced FOUR cars off that same rear bumper, and NEVER have I had any damage done to my car. This person, however, broke one of her lights (that’s what you get for lowering your car!). She was annoyed to say the least. I don’t’ know, it was difficult for me to not say something like: slow down and watch where you are going! I think I’m getting old. In under a month I’ll be 26, which is feeling close and closer to that number 30. Egad!
So, I got rear-ended there, I received my one and only speeding ticket there (57km/hr in a 50 zone!), and the damn tide is in every time I go to Deep Cove. Dammit!
I was in a restaurant last weekend and got a little annoyed when the waitress couldn’t believe that I ordered the chicken appetizer. She couldn’t find it when I gestured to the menu. So I told her it was right there – at the bottom. I put my finger on it, and at that point realized that I was pointing at smoked salmon, which, I realized at that point, was what I had intended on ordering in the first place. There was no chicken. Doh! I think I should eat in restaurants more often, I apparently need the practice. I also soon realize that I don’t like smoked salmon. Damn.
In another horrendous example of complete ineptitude, I realized that I didn’t have insurance on my belongings for the last 20 days. Well, this isn’t my fault this time. I had phoned the insurance company last month and I changed my address etc. They assured me that everything was done, and I had to give them my phone number when I got one. So the problem became apparent when I phone them back and they had NO RECORD OF ME! So I got a little mad, and they apologized profusely, and I got my insurance eventually. Of course, and you might have predicted this, my rates went up because of my new location. I have to pay $22 dollars a year more, which isn’t a big deal. Strangely, my telephone bill went DOWN 22 cents. What’s up?
We now return you to the year 2001, already in progress….